Good writers don’t just convey boring facts. They breathe life into their stories by including vivid descriptions so that the readers can picture what they are reading. There are also more details to engage the readers.

Show Don't Tell
Look at the two examples below. Which one presents a clearer picture to the reader?

Example 1: Brittney was really nervous. There were butterflies in her stomach. She prayed that she would do a good job.

Example 2: Suddenly the noise level in the auditorium dropped, lights brightened, a microphone squealed, and Brittney's pulse began to hammer, banishing all thoughts of anything but the next few minutes.

Did you pick example 2? You are correct. Example 2 vividly shows how anxious Brittney was before her performance. [ pulse began to hammer, banishing all thoughts…]. It creates some suspense too as the readers eagerly await to see if Brittney will succeed or fail. 

Part 1:   Tell vs Show
Here are some strategies writers use to SHOW what is happening in their stories. [FATS]

 Facial expressions

 Ingrid looked at Kylie, tears shimmering in her eyes, 

 Actions

 

 her hands clenched into helpless fists at her sides.

 Thoughts

 Images of what transpired yesterday played on in her mind, scorching her memory.

 Speech/ dialogues

 "Please," she whispered. "Don't hate me."


Part 2   FATS
Tell:  Kendrick was angry.
Show: Kendrick
stormed into the room. His eyebrows and mouth were both set in straight lines and I could feel the reprimand before I heard it.

The precise verb like ‘stormed’ is used to show how Kendrick entered the room. We can also see that he looks angry.


Part 3:   Examples of show don't tell

Part 3:   Examples of show don't tell
Tell: My parents were disappointed to learn that I had lost $1000.
Show:
Silence filled the room, the quiet of a funeral. “This can’t be happening,” Dad uttered in dismay, shaking his headHe was staring past me, hard, like he was trying to see through fog.
I glanced over at my mother.
Her eyes were shut and she pinched the bridge of her nose, as if battling a sudden headache.
“I’m really sorry. I’ll pay you back. I promise,” I
whispered, not daring to even look at them anymore. Tears were starting to carve tracks down my face.
My mother
did not say another word. She stood up abruptly, raised her eyes skyward, and let out a shuddering sigh.

The use of dialogues reveals the writer’s remorse and his father’s dismay. Vivid descriptions of facial expressions and actions were used to show how disappointed the parents were with the writer.

Try and picture what your characters in the story will be doing, thinking or saying and describe them in your compositions. It is not difficult to create vivid pictures if you apply FATS when coming up with descriptions.

Final Tip

Write stellar argumentative introductions in 4 steps
  • Provide hooks to make an impression on the reader!

  • Establish key terms/ give background information

  • Foreground the issue!

  • Write a thesis statement
Swipe or  click on the dots

Step 1a:   Provide hooks to make an impression on the reader

S2Q2:   Story | Statistics | Question | Quotation

Story

  • Introduce a short and up-to-the-point anecdote
  • An anecdote is a short story. Beginning your essay with an anecdote that is clearly related to your topic is another great way to get the reader’s attention and briefly demonstrate your descriptive writing ability.
  • Stay on Point: as with everything in your paper, your attention catcher, especially if it is an anecdote, should be related to your topic and position.
  • Stay on Mode: Remember that you are writing a persuasive essay, not a narrative. Your anecdote should be limited to a few sentences, lest your writing may be perceived as off mode.

 

Example: 

There are no benefits gained from playing computer games. Do you agree?

Connor, a 15-year-old boy, was ruining his life owing to his gaming addiction. For three years, Connor played truant, failed exams and shut himself away from people to create a new personality in his electronic universe.  His parents tried all ways to help him.

 

 

 

 

 


Step 1b:   Provide hooks to make an impression on the reader

Statistics

  • Shocking or impressive statistics/ facts
  • Using a startling fact or statistic is another great way to pique the reader’s interest.

 

Example: Tobacco use kills 5.4 million people a year worldwide - an average of one person every six seconds - and accounts for one in 10 adult deaths worldwide. It kills up to half of all users.

 

S2Q2:   Story | Statistics | Question | Quotation


Step 1c:   Provide hooks to make an impression on the reader

Questions

  • Asking a thought provoking question/ rhetorical question

 

Example:

Do you think students should have to wear uniforms?

Notice that this question is open-ended and does not provide the writer’s opinion.

vs

Do you think students should be forced to wear pants when it is over 35 degrees Celsius?

This example is much stronger because the writer’s position is clear from the first line. They ask a question to which they already know the answer. Persuasion is about forcing others to think along your lines.

 

 

 

 

 

S2Q2:   Story | Statistics | Question | Quotation


Step 1d:   Provide hooks to make an impression on the reader

Quotation

  • Quotations – interesting and classy way to begin an essay

 

Example:

‘One should never give up on one’s dreams.’ Do you agree?

Vincent Van Gogh once said, “If you hear a voice within you say ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Gogh was a firm believer in pursuing one’s dreams. Van Gogh was considered a mediocre artist when he started out. But he taught himself to paint by just doing it day after day after day.  He never gave up on his dreams.

 

 

S2Q2:   Story | Statistics | Question | Quotation

  • Establish key terms
  • Give background information about the topic
  • Describe how you interpret key terms in the topic

 

Example: 

In today’s society, how important is good sportsmanship?

The word ‘sportsmanship’ can refer to the performance or skill of someone taking part in a sport. You demonstrate good sportsmanship when you show respect for yourself, your teammates, and your opponents, for the coaches on both sides, and for the referees, judges, and other officials. Good sportsmanship is important not only as a practice of etiquette and respect in sports but also because it helps teach young athletes good behaviour that carries over into other aspects of life.

 

 


Step 2:   Establish key terms/ give background information

Step 3:   Foreground the issue
  • State why the topic/issue  is important

 

Example:

“Smoking should be banned in all public places.”

Smoking is one of the leading killers in the world and innocent people should not have to die because of it. For years, people have been smoking in public thinking “it’s my body. I can do whatever I want to it.”  Studies have proven that this is not true. Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those around him or her. Smoking in public places causes a considerable amount of harm to people and the government should be doing more to protect the citizens.

 


Step 4:   Write a thesis statement
  • A thesis is a clearly worded statement telling readers exactly what the writer intends to do in the essay.
  • Good persuasive writing does not make the reader guess as to what the author’s intentions were. The writer’s intent should be made very clear.
  • A good thesis statement is

- focussed

- debatable

- has a stand

  • Don’t write, “There are impoverished elderly people living among us.”
  • No one can argue for or against this statement. It’s not debatable. It’s just a fact.
  • Do write, Impoverished elderly people in Singapore should be given access to services, such as regular food donations, free housing and affordable health care.
  • This is debatable. Not everyone will agree with this statement!

 

 

 

 

 

Full example:

According to the World Health Organisation, smoking has been found to be related to 6 million deaths globally. In Singapore, smoking kills approximately 2500 smokers and 250 non-smokers each year.  <--Hook and Background

Tobacco use is known to cause several types of cancer such as oral and lung cancer. On top of that, most of tobacco's damage to health does not become evident until years or even decades after the onset of use. Smoking is dangerous not only for the smoker, but also for those around the smoker.   <--Foreground

Hence, smoking should be banned in all public places as it will safeguard the life of the smoker as well as that of the public.  <--Thesis

 

 

 


Full example
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